For what?

The principle of non-violent communication was developed in the 1960s by Marshall Rosenberg (2016). At the time, he was involved in the American civil rights movement and used his approaches to help overcome racial segregation in many institutions. The concept of non-violent communication, or NVC for short, can be used in all kinds of areas - be it in education, in the private sphere or, in our case here, for organizations.

NVC helps us to express our perspective clearly and listen empathically. It allows us to recognize the needs and feelings of the person we are talking to - especially in conflicts. Rosenberg speaks of two types of empathy: empathy towards others and empathy towards ourselves, or self-empathy.

The CSF serves to achieve clarity and develop strategies that take into account the needs of all sides. It is interesting to note that the NVC incorporates aspects of the development perspective presented in this book - especially those of the Green and Petrol levels:

• The NVC overcomes moral judgments about the communication partner and their behavior. It therefore allows us to develop towards a non-judgmental, complete acceptance of the other person.
• NVC allows us to always take responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and attitude first. It therefore invites us to keep quadrant 1 in view.
• With NVC, we can succeed in moving out of the amber or orange developmental level of communication. It demands that we make requests instead of demands. In this way, it prevents us from giving instructions, issuing orders (amber) or giving responsibility to the other person (orange).

Example

Let's assume you have a problematic relationship with someone in the organization - be it an employee, a team colleague or a superior. You sense how much this problematic relationship is affecting you and cannot find a way to enter into a conversation without feeling too emotional. You may feel pressured by this person's actions or restricted in your freedom of action. You may not see any specific reasons that have led to this tension and it is still difficult to take a differentiated view.

Then the NVC will help you to distinguish between observations and feelings and needs and thus bring more clarity to the situation.

What matters

Take enough time and space for this tool too - especially if you are using it for the first time. It helps if you are not in the hustle and bustle of everyday operations and are in an environment that inspires you and offers you freedom. Write down your thoughts, this will help you to reflect.

Step by step

The method of non-violent communication comprises four steps: Observation, feeling, need and request. Start by reflecting on the four steps yourself. Take your time so that clarity can emerge. Once you have clarity for yourself and are able to perceive and tolerate your feelings well thanks to this clarity, start the conversation with the other person. They will also go through the four steps in exactly the same order:

Step 1

Observation: Describe the specific behavior and actions of your counterpart in the problematic relationships. Do not evaluate or interpret. Simply describe objectively and soberly.

Step 2

Feeling: You will notice: The observation triggers a feeling in you. You may also experience this strongly in your body.

Step 3

Need: What could improve the situation for you? What underlying need do you recognize? This could be safety or understanding, for example. Recognizing your needs and inviting the other person to articulate their needs usually points the way to a creative solution to the situation.

Step 4

Please: In order for your need to be fulfilled, you need the support of the other person. Gently formulate a request for a specific action that the other person can carry out now. What is important here is the feasibility at the given time. This distinguishes requests from wishes that relate more to the future and are therefore of little use in the present moment.

Framework

Duration: 30 minutes (or more, freely customizable) for your own reflection; enough time and a good space for the conversation itself

Format: carry out mentally by yourself; ideally record reflection in writing

Participants: two discussion partners Further information on this and other tools for overcoming business challenges with communicative means can be found in the book "Rethinking communication".